There is conflicting opinion about
the effects of leaving children on their own.
Some experts advise against leaving children under the age of 12 on their
own. But some children under 12 may
be all right on their own for several hours.
The two biggest fears facing a young latchkey child are an encounter with
an intruder and a parent who does not come home on time.
Every child is different, so the
maturity and personality of your child should be an important consideration.
You need to assess your child's needs and explore the various options
available to you. If your child is
not mature enough to stay alone, try to arrange for some form of supervision.
Seek
Alternatives to Self-care
Find out if there are school-age
childcare programs or after-school activities for children.
If there are no school-age child care programs or activities available,
see if your PTO, school or place of worship can get such a program started or
sponsor after-school activities.
See if grandparents or other
relatives could take care of your child during the non-school hours.
Hire a babysitter to come to your home or, to keep the costs down, try
joining with other working parents to share the costs of paying a responsible
stay-at-home mother or other responsible adult to watch the children after
school.
Talk to your employer.
Many companies offer on-site or off-site child care centers for
employees' children. Other companies
offer referral services and childcare expense benefits for employees.
Inquire about starting a flextime schedule so that you can be home with
your children after school.
Check to see if there is an
information referral service in your area.
Practice
Good Parent - Child Communication
If you cannot locate good child care,
you may have to consider having your child stay at home alone for a short period
of time each day. This choice should
be made only with the understanding that parents, whether physically present or
not, are still in charge. This will
create a positive experience for your child, help assure the child's safety and
lessen your worry as a parent. To do
this takes planning and good communication with your child.
Consider whether your children can
usually be relied on to obey rules, finish homework, complete chores.
Are they afraid of the dark and extremely afraid of unexplained noises?
Have they developed the judgment necessary to turn off the TV and begin
their homework or to say no when peers want to do something dangerous?
Encourage children to share their
feelings and thoughts about being alone. Ask
such questions as "Do you feel frightened or lonely when you think about
staying alone?" and "Would you prefer to be alone, with a sitter or in
an after school program?"
Initiate these conversations often
and take your child's comments seriously.
Make your family expectations and
values known to your children. Explain
that you expect them to abide by the house rules when they are by themselves.
Remember that even when parents are
able to find suitable before and after school care for their children, plans
sometimes break down. Children get
sick or they insist they are too old for babysitters, or too embarrassed to be
taken to daycare. Babysitters get sick, too, or find different employment.
Programs are cancelled during bad weather or during holidays and
vacations. Parents sometimes must
work late. The result is that, even
when care has been arranged, children may end up on their own unless there is
planning and backup for these emergencies or changes. Even with planning,
children may end up alone at some time; so all children need to be prepared.
Whether children are going to be home alone regularly or only
occasionally, you need to teach basic safety rules in a non-threatening way.
This will keep a child safe and improve the child's self-image as a
capable person who knows how to deal with a potential problem.
It's important that children feel
safe in their homes. Parents can
reduce the fear of intruders by creating a "safe room" in the home.
This can be done by installing a deadbolt lock on the door of a room and
putting a phone inside. On a
day-to-day basis keep a key outside in case someone gets locked in.
Check to make sure your children know
the following:
·
Their
full name, address and phone number.
·
Your
full name, the exact name of the place where you work and your work phone
number.
·
How
to dial 9-1-1.
·
How
to carry a key so it is secure but out of sight.
Never have a name and address on the key.
·
Never
go into the house if a door is ajar or a window broken.
·
Lock
the door on entering and keep doors and windows locked.
·
What
to do if they think they are being followed.
·
Check
in with you by telephone or report to a neighbor at a regularly scheduled time.
·
Avoid
walking or playing alone on the way home from school.
·
How
to answer the telephone without letting callers know they are alone.
·
What
to do in case of a fire.
Find Out About Support Services
Check to see if your community offers
backup services. If not, consider
getting your PTO involved in starting them.
Ask the PTO or principal if there is
a block parent program in your neighborhood.
In such programs, carefully selected adults are given signs to place in
their windows that signal to children walking home that they can come to that
person's home for help in an emergency. If
there is such a program in your area, be sure that children know about it.
Teach Responsibility
One of the most important tasks for
parents is to teach responsibility and self-discipline to their children.
Help your children develop judgment and self-confidence by playing
"what-if" games. Ask your
children what they would do if:
·
The
power failed and the lights went out.
·
Siblings
didn't arrive home on schedule or hurt themselves.
·
A
friend asked them to come over to see a new toy.
·
An
adult asked to come into the home when you are not there.
·
A
fire should break out.
Practice and talk about what may
happen, what limits are, and what promises mean.
Remind them that you or another adult you designate are a phone call away
if they are uncertain. Allow
children to be a part of making house rules.
They are less likely to break rules they've helped establish.
Recognize that some rules work when children are young, but as they get
older children need and want more independence.
Make a schedule.
Even an hour of time alone can overwhelm a child who is unprepared.
Show them how to divide time into slots for specific activities, allowing
for "musts" and relaxing time, too.
For example, 3:30-3:40 p.m. call Mom or Dad; 3:40-4 p.m. change clothes
and have a snack; 4-5 p.m. homework; 5-5:15 p.m. set table for dinner; 5:15
p.m.- until Mom or Dad gets home, work on crafts or read a book.
Fill in a daily calendar for young
children, and graduate to weekly, monthly and seasonal calendars, as children
get older. Review each day's
schedule at breakfast or the night before. Help
children learn responsibility by being responsible yourself.
Call if you are going to be late. Be
sure your children know you are concerned. They
need to know you think of them while you are away.
Show that you care by asking to see completed homework, chores and
projects. Compliment your child on
jobs well done. Make plans to spend
time together during the evenings and on weekends.
Let your children know that you're happy to see them at the end of the
day.
Suggest Constructive Activities
"There's nothing to do!" is
a familiar complaint in most households with children.
Place reminders such as "Read me" on appropriate books and
magazines or list "Really Great Things to Do When There's Nothing to
Do" to help children learn resourcefulness.
In an ideal world, all communities
would provide safe, affordable care for those children whose parents are at
work. But in the real world, this is
not the case. In many areas,
after-school programs simply do not exist, and where available, may be too
expensive for many parents. Therefore,
many families have "kids with keys."
To make this a safer, more positive experience parents must remember that
they are still in charge. Communicate
with your children. Plan for
productive use of time and work with your children to establish codes of
conduct. Teach responsibility and
self-discipline and be available after work to help your children with problems.
Finally, provide careful safety training and prepare for emergencies.
All parents must take their responsibility to their children seriously and consider their children's needs as they meet their work obligations. Whether physically present or not, parents must remain in charge.